I should feel...
I should not feel...
I should think...
I should do....
I should respond...
I should be able to...

Someone recently challenged me to write out every ‘should’ that haunted me. I almost laughed out loud - I might never finish since there seems to be an endless supply of shoulds in my life. My list quickly hit 100 and I was still going strong.

Why was so much of my life dictated by shoulds? Where were they all coming from? How might I free myself from the tortured obligation and relinquished agency that accompanied every should?

I know the painful cycle all too well. It starts with a should that brings shame which motivates begrudging compliance (or attempted compliance), eventually leading to resentment and yet another should.

I began thinking of a few simple actions to interrupt this perpetual loop. As cheesy as it is, the actions ended up forming the acronym ARC: acknowledge, reframe, choose.

Acknowledge
I can begin to notice any time a ‘should’ escapes my lips and acknowledge reality - including any emotions at play.

I notice a should about...
I feel...
I am thinking...

Reframe
Then I can reframe the obligation by swapping ‘should’ with ‘need’ or ‘want’ - advocating for myself without criticism.

I want...
I need...

Choose
With a fresh perspective, I get to decide how I respond. Choosing helps me take back my power and own my words and actions.

I choose to...
I have decided to...

Maybe one day I will be completely free from all should’s and this exercise will be unnecessary. But for now, I’m working to reconfigure the endless loop of shoulds into an arc of possibility and agency.

To liberate today: How might ARC help you break free from shoulds?