Pain is both universal and very personal. We all experience pain, but in different ways at various times for any number of reasons.

Only I know my own pain - only you know your own pain. We might have a shared pain after going through the same or similar experience, but at the end of the day, the pain will still be unique to each of us.

This is one why we see the ‘rate your pain’ graphics in hospital rooms and doctors’ offices. (Side note: Allie Brosh has created a fantastic version of this pain scale.)

There isn’t some exhaustive set of rules for how much certain experiences hurt or should hurt. Pain is pain. Pain is personal. Pain has no jury.

But too often we approach pain as if there is a jury and judge. As if some pain matters more and some doesn’t matter at all.

• Why am I making such a big deal about it? It could be worse.

• I just need to get over it already. They did.

• Other people have it worse - my pain doesn’t matter.

• This shouldn’t hurt me so much. I need to grow up.

Until we fully acknowledge our own pain, we’ll be ill equipped to empathize with the pain of others. Those “I” statements above quickly become “you” statements because when we judge our own pain, we can’t help but judge the pain of others.

• Why are you making such a big deal about this? It could be worse.

• You just need to get over it already. I did.

• Other people have it worse - your pain doesn’t matter.

• This shouldn’t hurt you so much. Grow up.

But pain has no jury. No one dictates the severity, duration, or any other facet of my pain. My pain doesn’t invalidate your pain. Your pain doesn’t invalidate my pain. There is no award for most or least or worst pain. No one benefits from this zero-sum kind of judging.

Instead of making comparisons and judgments, let’s try honest acknowledgment.

• This is really hurting me. / I can see you’re really hurting.

• This might take some time to heal and that’s okay. I can’t rush healing. / You can’t rush healing.

• My pain matters. / Your pain matters.

• Even if I don’t know the cause, my pain is real. / Even if you don’t know the cause, your pain is real.

To acknowledge today: My pain matters. Your pain matters.