“Hey, this Friday is a holiday! What do you want to do?” my husband asked as we got ready for the day.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I replied, “Get stuff done!”

I almost always have very high expectations - sometimes of others but mostly of myself. I suppose terms like ‘type-A,’ ‘high performer,’ ‘bias for action,’ or ‘over-achiever’ might be nice ways of describing my incessant compulsion to get things done. This doesn’t always mean actually getting things done - but the drive and push and even shame around how much gets done are intense.

In a capitalist society, this hustle approach to life is an admirable trait. Perhaps even enviable. But in practice, it’s exhausting and hazardous if left unchecked.

Ironically, my urge to do more, faster hits its peak when I’m utterly exhausted. when I most desperately need to stop and rest, I will literally make a very long list of ALL THE THINGS that need to be done and frantically start tackling them. Of course, I’m cranky, snapping at my family, and sometimes crying while attempting all of this. I call this hazarductivity - also known as hazardous productivity. I’m in motion, but instead of being productive, it’s harmful activity.

It’s like my brain ignores every signal from my body while on this productivity mission. I think, “If I just get this done, then I’ll feel better.” So I keep chasing the list. I keep frantically doing. But the gratification either keeps moving out - “just one more thing, and then I’ll feel better” - or the exhaustion and by this point, frustration, far outweigh the minimal satisfaction on completion.

Years of this vicious cycle have proven that productivity is a terrible way to “fix” my feelings or to feel good about myself. The goalposts perpetually move when it comes to productivity.

But too often I somehow still fall for the myth that doing more, faster is the cure-all for what ails me - whether that’s my mood, my self-worth, my insecurities, my emotions, or something else.

So here’s a note for myself - and for you if you need it - when productivity is calling the shots.

Dear Overwhelmed, Overworked Me,

It’s okay if all the things don’t get done - in fact, they probably won’t. I will still be worthy. I will still be enough.

First, it’s time to fire productivity. It makes a terrible boss. Wherever I’m at now, I’ll pause here and recalibrate. I have a chance to prioritize what really matters to me.

What am I feeling?
Why am I doing this?
Is there something I’m trying to prove? To whom?
What is it that I really, really want?
What is most important?
What do I need in this moment?

There is no shame in taking a break, saying no, and adjusting expectations.

I am worthy.
I matter. My feelings matter.
I am human and need rest - just like every human does.

Love,
Me

PS. Instead of using this upcoming holiday as a day to get more and more stuff done, try resting and enjoying something fun for a change.

To pause today: Breathe deeply. Now consider, what role does productivity play in your life right now? Has it morphed into hazarductivity?